All round the world women have been getting their ‘knickers in a twist’. It seems impossible to turn on a television or surf the internet these days, without seeing a woman receiving a Nobel prize, or speaking out at the U.N about the difficulties still being faced by the fairer sex just because they have a vagina. It would appear that allowing them to vote and drive cars was not enough to placate their lofty ambition, they’re more motivated than we first thought, they’re after more and they’re not beyond using dirty tricks to get what they want. The neo-feminist is the most highly functioning female we have seen to date, capable of holding rational arguments, sustaining common sense and reason for extended periods of time. Whereas a generation ago they were appeased when we let them vent, burn their bras and then told them to calm down by making a cup of tea, today the neo-feminists are digging their heels in, high heels and for the long haul.
If we men are to retain our already fragile status as top dog we must evaluate this threat and deal with it seriously, impromptu foot massages, compliments regarding their choice of clothing, even suggesting it would be nice to watch Downton Abbey may be necessary if we’re to withstand this latest onslaught. We will have to dig deep into the bag of tricks that has been passed on from father to son, go through the full repertoire, if social order is to be maintained.
I remember feminism from one or two prickly encounters at university during the 90’s. For the most part feminists were just aggressive lesbians, with short cropped hair, wearing Doc Marten boots and had a chin like Desperate Dan. Opening a door for a woman at university was a hazardous act of chivalry for which the knight may have often been better off throwing himself on his sword instead. The feminists of the 90’’s did for feminism much the same as what the Taliban did for Islam. The 90’s feminist ultimately sought to promote her cause by acting more like a man, than a man. 90’s feminism led to the phenomena we commonly referred to as “chicks with dicks”. Chicks with dicks were women who had shrugged off the shackles of femininity, women with better careers than men, drank more beer than men, swore more than men, could belch more verses of the national anthem than men and who understood the offside rule in football. Sometimes, at a first glance, they could appear quite attractive, but fifteen minutes and 3 pints later they would have the charisma, charm and feminism of Margaret Thatcher. It was for such circumstances I moved to South East Asia.
Like the most untrustworthy shape shifter, feminism today has morphed and re-branded itself, in the shape of Hermione Granger, Malala Yousufzai, and Jean Luc Picard. Feminists today include men, this disturbing image was taken outside a supermarket and clearly shows a disoriented and confused old man, his mind addled, under the influence of some heinous psychotropic drug, holding a placard he probably can’t even read.
These feminists pose an entirely new challenge, not only have the brainwashed vulnerable old men but they are educated, lucid, and armed with questions forged out of common sense and tempered by logic, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to do the wash the dishes without putting up a fight.
Fighting the Misogyny Within
It’s so predictable to blame sexism and misogyny on men, based on the simplistic reasoning that they are not women. Such reasoning follows that if a group is being oppressed then it must be a group different to the oppressed that are the oppressors, this line of inquiry quickly concludes that men are the oppressors. But, in my experience most of the men I know like women, in fact they like women more than women usually do. If you really want to hear a group of people tearing a woman’s soul to shreds then you only have to go into a female dominated work place, for there is nowhere more visceral nor savage. A florid pit of estrogen in which a dominant queen dictates the menstrual cycles of all others and passes judgements on subjects ranging from outfits to hairstyles, with one savage lash of the tongue. Nature requires men to like women, after all it is upon such a truism that our species keeps populating itself. You might say that men often only like women in order to get into their pants, and this would be a reasonable assertion, but I would reply that this is still a more positive feeling than most women show towards each other. And when is there ever absolute gender equality, in lesbian relationships is it not normal for one woman to adopt the more male dominant role? Women are often just as bigger discriminators against women as men. Look at women that have run countries, how many women did they promote to be their advisers? Look at female CEO’s what percentage of their board members are female? There are numerous examples of females discriminating against females, stop laying the blame all at the feet of men just because you don’t have a penis. If we were to live in a Utopian society where women were accepted as equals by men (a world I aspire to), the question remains, would they also be accepted as equals by other women?
We are but Apes, What do you Expect?
The Men for Women campaign reminds me of a clinic on the edge of Bangkok specializing in gender realignment surgery, which is ironic, as are we looking at gender equality, or a metaphorical realignment of the genders? The notion of gender equality in itself appears to me as being discriminatory, as it suggests it is the only cause deserving equality. We should just be striving for equality for everyone, irrespective of race, gender, creed, colour, sexual orientation,age, physical or mental disability. A just and decent society will provide the same rights for an octogenarian, Asian, lesbian, bipolar, Roman Catholic midget, as it does for the most immoral, whoring, Republican, NRA supporting bum. Ms. Watson talks of political and economic equality, but this is to ignore the blue print upon which men and women are built, that biologically we are different, and to some extent throughout the evolution of our species we have been designed for different tasks. To disregard this biological framework, and believe that we have always lived in a world with iPhones, air conditioning, microwave meals and WiFi is folly. We must accept some basic truths if we are to make any progress in this forum:
1) Men have a penis, and women have, what medical experts call, a ‘vagina’;
2) For nine months after a man has put his penis into a woman’s ‘vagina’ it could result in that woman gestating. To date there has only been one notable exception to this rule, when a woman began gestating sans penis, for further details please refer to a bible;
3) There will never be biological equality, men will always have a penis, and women a vagina. Women will always be expected to shoulder the burden of gestation. But whilst there is this fundamental biological difference, should this translate into an economic or political one?
4) Women will generally always be better st some tasks than men, skills that have been passed down over hundreds of thousand of years, mothering, making a comfortable living space, and conducting 5 conversation simultaneously whilst reading a book.
5) Men will always me better at laying around, drinking beer, farting and hitting things.
To deny these truths is to not accept one another for who we are. Biologically we are not equal, for procreation’s sake that is a good thing, every plug must have its socket, but we must respect our differences not exploit them as being weaknesses.
A society that penalizes women economically on the premise that they may go onto have a child is insane, it goes against the laws of nature. What if women were to all sterilize themselves in, an all be it cutting their nose off to spite their face kind of way, order to demand equal pay? No longer burdened with the indignity of being able to bare children, should they now be paid the same as men? Penalizing women for having children is the brainchild of a society that puts profit before values. Society should be providing stability and encouragement for women to have children, an environment that supports children and families financially, socially and culturally. Unless of course society is targeting those women who are educated, strong minded and go to work, if society can restrict these women from breeding that will polarize the population into hordes of poorly educated families and the rich who they could mindlessly serve. The middle class would soon die out or at the very least reduce itself to such low numbers that they would no longer threaten to expose and fuel the fire of the class divide. Meanwhile the poorly educated peel grapes for the rich and content themselves with daytime television. But, as we all know this scenario could never happen, for it would necessitate a power crazed, and paranoid rich elite obsessed with maintaining the status quo.
Equality at What Price?
I’m all for equality but does equality mean that women can behave like men? A society stripped bare of feminism, a society of women behaving like men is surely nobody’s utopia. Following Ms. Watson’s natter with the UN and the launch of the ”He for She” campaign, nearly every other news item on the internet has concerned itself with gender equality. I was in disbelief when I saw the following news article:
Real equality is when women have the right to be as drunk and stupid as men
The freedom to have fun, make mistakes and participate in some youthful irresponsibility shouldn’t be limited to boys
This article by the Guardian’s Jessica Valenti proposes the whole equality debate hinges on women being granted the same rights to get as drunk and behave as stupid as men. Only once this has been realized will our species truly have progressed beyond gender stereotypes. If there is one thing the world is crying out for right now it’s more drunk, stupid people. Can’t women appreciate that stupidity is the last bastion of the male, it’s a place where men can retreat to for peace and quiet. A world of drunk, stupid people would result in nothing more than a perpetual Friday night.
Women, if you ever get the gender equality that you do deserve, then I plead with you to use it for something a little more noble than to behave like men. Half the population already behave like men, they’re called men. Tonight I am left in fear that if Ms. Watson and Valenti have thier way, they will create a society with an androgynous population of stupid alcoholics.