Neo-Feminism, Retro-Sexism and Biological Determinism: Who Should Really do the Washing Up?

HeForShe_Logo_Badge_withTagline_Use_On_WhiteNeo-Feminism: A Movement without Gender Boundaries

All round the world women have been getting their ‘knickers in a twist’. It seems impossible to turn on a television or surf the internet these days, without seeing a woman receiving a Nobel prize, or speaking out at the U.N about the difficulties still being faced by the fairer sex just because they have a vagina. It would appear that allowing them to vote and drive cars was not enough to placate their lofty ambition, they’re more motivated than we first thought, they’re after more and they’re not beyond using dirty tricks to get what they want. The neo-feminist is the most highly functioning female we have seen to date, capable of holding rational arguments, sustaining common sense and reason for extended periods of time. Whereas a generation ago they were appeased when we let them vent, burn their bras and then told them to calm down by making a cup of tea, today the neo-feminists  are digging their heels in, high heels and for the long haul.
If we men are to retain our already fragile status as top dog we must evaluate this threat and deal with it seriously, impromptu foot massages, compliments regarding their choice of clothing, even suggesting it would be nice to watch Downton Abbey may be necessary if we’re to withstand this latest onslaught. We will have to dig deep into the bag of tricks that has been passed on from father to son, go through the full repertoire, if social order is to be maintained.
I remember feminism from one or two prickly encounters at university during the 90’s. For the most part feminists were just aggressive lesbians, with short cropped hair, wearing Doc Marten boots and had a chin like Desperate Dan. Opening a door for a woman at university was a hazardous act of chivalry for which the knight may have often been better off throwing himself on his sword instead. The feminists of the 90’’s did for feminism much the same as what the Taliban did for Islam. The 90’s feminist ultimately sought to promote her cause by acting more like a man, than a man. 90’s feminism led to the phenomena we commonly referred to as “chicks with dicks”. Chicks with dicks were women who had shrugged off the shackles of femininity, women with better careers than men, drank more beer than men, swore more than men, could belch more verses of the national anthem than men and who understood the offside rule in football. Sometimes, at a first glance, they could appear quite attractive, but fifteen minutes and 3 pints later they would have the charisma, charm and feminism of Margaret Thatcher. It was for such circumstances I moved to South East Asia.

Like the most untrustworthy shape shifter, feminism today has morphed and re-branded itself, in the shape of Hermione Granger, Malala Yousufzai, and Jean Luc Picard. Feminists today include men, this disturbing image was taken outside a supermarket and clearly shows a disoriented and confused old man, his mind addled, under the influence of some heinous psychotropic drug, holding a placard he probably can’t even read.

Whilst picking up supplies for the Enterprise, Captain Picard finds the time to fight for women’s rights.
The Ministry of Magic send Hermione Granger to the U.N.











These feminists pose an entirely new challenge, not only have the brainwashed vulnerable old men  but they are educated, lucid, and armed with questions forged out of common sense and tempered by logic, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to do the wash the dishes without putting up a fight.

Fighting the Misogyny Within

It’s so predictable to blame sexism and misogyny on men, based on the simplistic reasoning that they are not women. Such reasoning follows that if a group is being oppressed then it must be a group different to the oppressed that are the oppressors, this line of inquiry  quickly concludes that men are the oppressors. But, in my experience most of the men I know like women, in fact they like women more than women usually do. If you really want to hear a group of people tearing a woman’s soul to shreds then you only have to go into a female dominated work place, for there is nowhere more visceral nor savage. A florid pit of estrogen in which a dominant queen dictates the menstrual cycles of all others and passes judgements on subjects ranging from outfits to hairstyles, with one savage lash of the tongue. Nature requires men to like women, after all it is upon such a truism that our species keeps populating itself. You might say that men often only like women in order to get into their pants, and this would be a reasonable assertion, but I would reply that this is still a more positive feeling than most women show towards each other. And when is there ever absolute gender equality, in lesbian relationships is it not normal for one woman to adopt the more male dominant role? Women are often just as bigger discriminators against women as men. Look at women that have run countries, how many women did they promote to be their advisers? Look at female CEO’s what percentage of their board members are female? There are numerous examples of females discriminating against females, stop laying the blame all at the feet of men just because you don’t have a penis. If we were to live in a Utopian society where women were accepted as equals by men (a world I aspire to), the question remains, would they also be accepted as equals by other women?

We are but Apes, What do you Expect?

The Men for Women campaign reminds me of a clinic on the edge of Bangkok specializing in gender realignment surgery, which is ironic, as are we looking at gender equality, or a metaphorical realignment of the genders? The notion of gender equality in itself appears to me as being discriminatory, as it suggests it is the only cause deserving equality. We should just be striving for equality for everyone, irrespective of race, gender, creed, colour, sexual orientation,age,  physical or mental disability. A just and decent society will provide the same rights for an octogenarian, Asian, lesbian, bipolar, Roman Catholic midget, as it does for the most immoral, whoring, Republican, NRA supporting bum. Ms. Watson talks of political and economic equality, but this is to ignore the blue print upon which men and women are built, that biologically we are different, and to some extent throughout the evolution of our species we have been designed for different tasks. To disregard this biological framework, and believe that we have always lived in a world with iPhones, air conditioning, microwave meals and WiFi is folly. We must accept some basic truths if we are to make any progress in this forum:

1) Men have a penis, and women have, what medical experts call, a ‘vagina’;
2) For nine months after a man has put his penis into a woman’s ‘vagina’ it could result in that woman gestating. To date there has only been one notable exception to this rule, when a woman began gestating sans penis, for further details please refer to a bible;
3) There will never be biological equality, men will always have a penis, and women a vagina. Women will always be expected to shoulder the burden of gestation. But whilst there is this fundamental biological difference, should this translate into an economic or political one?
4) Women will generally always be better st some tasks than men, skills that have been passed down over hundreds of thousand of years, mothering, making a comfortable living space, and conducting 5 conversation simultaneously whilst reading a book.
5) Men will always me better at laying around, drinking beer, farting and hitting things.

To deny these truths is to not accept one another for who we are. Biologically we are not equal, for procreation’s sake that is a good thing, every plug must have its socket, but we must respect our differences not exploit them as being weaknesses.

A society that penalizes women economically on the premise that they may go onto have a child is insane, it goes against the laws of nature. What if women were to all sterilize themselves in, an all be it cutting their nose off to spite their face kind of way, order to demand equal pay? No longer burdened with the indignity of being able to bare children, should they now be paid the same as men? Penalizing women for having children is the brainchild of a society that puts profit before values. Society should be providing stability and encouragement for women to have children, an environment that supports children and families financially, socially and culturally. Unless of course society is targeting those women who are educated, strong minded and go to work, if society can restrict these women from breeding that will polarize the population into hordes of poorly educated families and the rich who they could mindlessly serve. The middle class would soon die out or at the very least reduce itself to such low numbers that they would no longer threaten to expose and fuel the fire of the class divide. Meanwhile the poorly educated peel grapes for the rich and content themselves with daytime television. But, as we all know this scenario could never happen, for it would necessitate a power crazed, and paranoid rich elite obsessed with maintaining the status quo.


Equality at What Price?

I’m all for equality but does equality mean that women can behave like men? A society stripped bare of feminism, a society of women behaving like men is surely nobody’s utopia. Following Ms. Watson’s natter with the UN and the launch of the ”He for She” campaign, nearly every other news item on the internet has concerned itself with gender equality. I was in disbelief when I saw the following news article:


Real equality is when women have the right to be as drunk and stupid as men

The freedom to have fun, make mistakes and participate in some youthful irresponsibility shouldn’t be limited to boys

Gender equality realized

This article by the Guardian’s Jessica Valenti proposes the whole equality debate hinges on women being granted the same rights to get as drunk and behave as  stupid as men. Only once this has been realized will our species truly  have progressed beyond gender stereotypes. If there is one thing the world is crying out for right now it’s more drunk, stupid people. Can’t women appreciate that stupidity is the last bastion of the male, it’s a place where men can retreat to for peace and quiet. A world of drunk, stupid people would result in nothing more than a perpetual Friday night.

Women, if you ever get the gender equality that you do deserve, then I plead with you to use it for something a little more noble than to behave like men. Half the population already behave like men, they’re called men. Tonight I am left in fear that if Ms. Watson and Valenti have thier way, they will create a society with an androgynous population of stupid alcoholics.

How Much Fun Can You Legally Have With a Dwarf?


Gay marriage, recreational drug use and euthanasia are just three sensitive topics where the perceived liberty of an individual often conflicts with the morality of a society. But when all parties involved in a way of life are adults and consenting, does society have a right to intervene? And if so who are the people that determine what is right or wrong in society? These are questions I have been wrestling with after reading the following news headline:

Dwarf stripper gets bride pregnant on her hen night

Spanish woman admits she slept with a dwarf stripper on her hen night after giving birth to a baby with dwarfism.


Initially my thoughts were with the unfortunate groom. Imagine his excitement over the previous nine months, getting married and then becoming a father, halcyon days en route to complete social conformity, I should imagine a 40 year mortgage was also included.

Then when the proud moment arrived and his eyes fell upon his son for the first time, there appeared to be something, a little different, somehow he expected him to look, bigger, with bigger features, in fact nearly  everything should have been a little larger. With confusion marauding through his brain, like a Frenchman making his way down the wine aisle of a supermarket, his tearful wife tells him the truth of how she slept with the dwarf stripper at her hen party. From there, in which direction does a marriage go? Anger, loathing, resentment, separation, bitterness and divorce, or maybe if the husband is so inclined exotic dwarf love on a regular basis. One thing is for sure social conformity, even acceptance now looks to be a distant prospect.

Slowly the true depth of the perversity of this story broke over me like a wave of sewage. I realized the only reason for this story being reported was that it involved a dwarf. If in the headline, you were to replace the word dwarf with black man, Mexican, Asian, all hell would have broken loose and rightly so because that would be unacceptably racist. But dwarfs are not a race, a fact that can easily be forgotten following the Lord of the Rings movies. Many dwarfs do not even consider themselves disabled and choose to live their own lives and make their own decisions. After all isn’t it the duty of liberty to protect the rights of minorities? If a dwarf wants tossing and someones willing to pay to do it, what sort of sick society would stand in the way of this fun?

Western society promotes itself as having values of equality and respect, but dwarfs have nimbly side stepped this and have made themselves fair game for the entertainment of the public. Skillfully they have maneuvered their way under the radar of political correctness and because of this dwarfs always have a profession they can fall back on (not very far back).

The life of a dwarf entertainer, sounds like it requires talent and it does, but to a dwarf that that talent comes naturally, by virtue of their diminutive stature. People like to laugh at and abuse dwarfs, and they can. Dwarfs do not ask for people’s pity, and just like anyone else dwarfs are free to seek out methods of abuse and public humiliation, but how humiliating is it when your getting $400 an hour for being thrown across a room?

In short (as it so often is with dwarfs) they are provocative, a thorn in the side of the moralistic, conservative do-gooders, that believe themselves to be endowed with the power to tell everyone else what is right or wrong. Dwarfs stand at the front line in the battle of free speech against these oppressive forces of political correctness.

In the United States dwarfs enjoy the same liberties afforded to anybody else, and therefore Americans  are free to enjoy dwarf tossing, dwarf bowling, dwarf wrestling, racing them against exotic animals, dwarf stripping, you can even have one impregnate your future wife. Nothing protects the dwarf from public indignity, because nothing needs to, a dwarf can embrace it, face up to it with his head held high (metaphorically speaking). For millenniums dwarfs have entranced and captivated the simple minded, with an air of mysticism, and while society’s curiosity in the bearded lady or Lobster Boy has long faded, a healthy interest in the dwarf endures.


Can I Toss a Dwarf?


Of course, dwarf tossing is a well established pastime that requires a tosser and a dwarf consenting to being tossed. Dwarf tossing actually dates back to the times of ancient Babylonia and is even made reference to in the Dead Sea Scrolls. In 1026 BC, King Nabu-shum-libur, whilst facing attack and ultimate destruction from the marauding nomadic tribesman of north west Babylonia sought solace and relaxation. With his city lying in ruins around him,and with nothing else at hand but his loyal troupe of dwarf entertainers, the King started to throw them around his burned out throne room to alleviate the stress of his impending doom.

The more conservative members of society might be questioning the morality and legality of such practices. In Florida during the 1980’s dwarf tossing became very popular in bars. Until Jeb Bush had a law passed enabling the revoking of liquor licenses of bars that continued to allow dwarfs to be tossed on their premises. Thankfully in October 2011, common sense prevailed when Ritch Workman introduced legislation that would overturn the ban on dwarf-tossing, claiming such a ban to be an “unnecessary burden on the freedom and liberties of people” and “an example of Big Brother government”. Although not a personal advocate of the activity, Workman stated “if a little person wants to make a fool out of themselves for money, they should have the same right to do so as any average sized person”.

While the United States are progressive in their approach to dwarf tossing, the EU is more draconian. In 2002 a French dwarf  appealed to the UN against a ban on dwarf tossing, his appeal was thrown out as the UN said it was satisfied that the ban on dwarf-tossing should be upheld “in order to protect public order and considerations of human dignity”. Therefore this proves there is greater human dignity in France than Florida, and that if you’re French you will have to go to Miami to toss a dwarf.


In The kingdom of the Little People

20111124-asia obscura dwarf them 2
In China they embrace the fact that dwarfs are entertaining.

Kunming, China – A successful entrepreneur with a social conscience decided he wanted to give something back to society, and what better thing could he give back than a dwarf themed park? Costing $115 million dollars and situated in 13,000 acres of rural countryside, this is no small attraction. Amongst the props is a black BMW modified to resemble a UFO out of which dwarfs pour to commence their shows. Mr. Chen the entrepreneur with the vision for this spectacle proudly boasts that it was all his idea including the  ClickHandler.ashxDr. Seuss style homes with crooked chimneys.

But this LSD fueled, Roald Dahl nightmare is not without its detractors who claim it is little more than a freak show pandering to people’s morbid curiosity. Gary Arnold who is the spokesperson for  Little People of America Inc, a dwarfism group based in California, said ” I think it’s horrible, how low can a society get? People always look down on us and this does nothing to raise our status.” Mr. Chen is quick to argue that the dwarfs are paid well and he always has a surplus of applicants. “My theme park is a step up for them, they are well looked after end their environment is built for their needs. The public might be motivated out of a morbid sense of curiosity, but why can’t the dwarfs make money from it? At the end of the day both parties go home happy.”



Dwarfs Taking Sport Seriously

Don’t let this tomfoolery deceive you, not all dwarf activities are organised for public amusement. This video shows a very proficient football team from Brazil.


Unique Dwarf Sporting Challenges

And who has the right to stop four dwarfs racing a camel?


Dwarfs push the boundaries, boundaries often placed there by others, by non-dwarfs. They challenge conservative values established by a society obsessed with political correctness. Dwarfs teach us determination, give us hope and inspire, because whilst being small has it’s difficulties, they’re not going to let it get them down further than it already has.

Dwarfs wherever you are, whether your racing camels, getting tossed or shagging a bride at her hen night, I salute you.