How Much Fun Can You Legally Have With a Dwarf?


Gay marriage, recreational drug use and euthanasia are just three sensitive topics where the perceived liberty of an individual often conflicts with the morality of a society. But when all parties involved in a way of life are adults and consenting, does society have a right to intervene? And if so who are the people that determine what is right or wrong in society? These are questions I have been wrestling with after reading the following news headline:

Dwarf stripper gets bride pregnant on her hen night

Spanish woman admits she slept with a dwarf stripper on her hen night after giving birth to a baby with dwarfism.


Initially my thoughts were with the unfortunate groom. Imagine his excitement over the previous nine months, getting married and then becoming a father, halcyon days en route to complete social conformity, I should imagine a 40 year mortgage was also included.

Then when the proud moment arrived and his eyes fell upon his son for the first time, there appeared to be something, a little different, somehow he expected him to look, bigger, with bigger features, in fact nearly  everything should have been a little larger. With confusion marauding through his brain, like a Frenchman making his way down the wine aisle of a supermarket, his tearful wife tells him the truth of how she slept with the dwarf stripper at her hen party. From there, in which direction does a marriage go? Anger, loathing, resentment, separation, bitterness and divorce, or maybe if the husband is so inclined exotic dwarf love on a regular basis. One thing is for sure social conformity, even acceptance now looks to be a distant prospect.

Slowly the true depth of the perversity of this story broke over me like a wave of sewage. I realized the only reason for this story being reported was that it involved a dwarf. If in the headline, you were to replace the word dwarf with black man, Mexican, Asian, all hell would have broken loose and rightly so because that would be unacceptably racist. But dwarfs are not a race, a fact that can easily be forgotten following the Lord of the Rings movies. Many dwarfs do not even consider themselves disabled and choose to live their own lives and make their own decisions. After all isn’t it the duty of liberty to protect the rights of minorities? If a dwarf wants tossing and someones willing to pay to do it, what sort of sick society would stand in the way of this fun?

Western society promotes itself as having values of equality and respect, but dwarfs have nimbly side stepped this and have made themselves fair game for the entertainment of the public. Skillfully they have maneuvered their way under the radar of political correctness and because of this dwarfs always have a profession they can fall back on (not very far back).

The life of a dwarf entertainer, sounds like it requires talent and it does, but to a dwarf that that talent comes naturally, by virtue of their diminutive stature. People like to laugh at and abuse dwarfs, and they can. Dwarfs do not ask for people’s pity, and just like anyone else dwarfs are free to seek out methods of abuse and public humiliation, but how humiliating is it when your getting $400 an hour for being thrown across a room?

In short (as it so often is with dwarfs) they are provocative, a thorn in the side of the moralistic, conservative do-gooders, that believe themselves to be endowed with the power to tell everyone else what is right or wrong. Dwarfs stand at the front line in the battle of free speech against these oppressive forces of political correctness.

In the United States dwarfs enjoy the same liberties afforded to anybody else, and therefore Americans  are free to enjoy dwarf tossing, dwarf bowling, dwarf wrestling, racing them against exotic animals, dwarf stripping, you can even have one impregnate your future wife. Nothing protects the dwarf from public indignity, because nothing needs to, a dwarf can embrace it, face up to it with his head held high (metaphorically speaking). For millenniums dwarfs have entranced and captivated the simple minded, with an air of mysticism, and while society’s curiosity in the bearded lady or Lobster Boy has long faded, a healthy interest in the dwarf endures.


Can I Toss a Dwarf?


Of course, dwarf tossing is a well established pastime that requires a tosser and a dwarf consenting to being tossed. Dwarf tossing actually dates back to the times of ancient Babylonia and is even made reference to in the Dead Sea Scrolls. In 1026 BC, King Nabu-shum-libur, whilst facing attack and ultimate destruction from the marauding nomadic tribesman of north west Babylonia sought solace and relaxation. With his city lying in ruins around him,and with nothing else at hand but his loyal troupe of dwarf entertainers, the King started to throw them around his burned out throne room to alleviate the stress of his impending doom.

The more conservative members of society might be questioning the morality and legality of such practices. In Florida during the 1980’s dwarf tossing became very popular in bars. Until Jeb Bush had a law passed enabling the revoking of liquor licenses of bars that continued to allow dwarfs to be tossed on their premises. Thankfully in October 2011, common sense prevailed when Ritch Workman introduced legislation that would overturn the ban on dwarf-tossing, claiming such a ban to be an “unnecessary burden on the freedom and liberties of people” and “an example of Big Brother government”. Although not a personal advocate of the activity, Workman stated “if a little person wants to make a fool out of themselves for money, they should have the same right to do so as any average sized person”.

While the United States are progressive in their approach to dwarf tossing, the EU is more draconian. In 2002 a French dwarf  appealed to the UN against a ban on dwarf tossing, his appeal was thrown out as the UN said it was satisfied that the ban on dwarf-tossing should be upheld “in order to protect public order and considerations of human dignity”. Therefore this proves there is greater human dignity in France than Florida, and that if you’re French you will have to go to Miami to toss a dwarf.


In The kingdom of the Little People

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In China they embrace the fact that dwarfs are entertaining.

Kunming, China – A successful entrepreneur with a social conscience decided he wanted to give something back to society, and what better thing could he give back than a dwarf themed park? Costing $115 million dollars and situated in 13,000 acres of rural countryside, this is no small attraction. Amongst the props is a black BMW modified to resemble a UFO out of which dwarfs pour to commence their shows. Mr. Chen the entrepreneur with the vision for this spectacle proudly boasts that it was all his idea including the  ClickHandler.ashxDr. Seuss style homes with crooked chimneys.

But this LSD fueled, Roald Dahl nightmare is not without its detractors who claim it is little more than a freak show pandering to people’s morbid curiosity. Gary Arnold who is the spokesperson for  Little People of America Inc, a dwarfism group based in California, said ” I think it’s horrible, how low can a society get? People always look down on us and this does nothing to raise our status.” Mr. Chen is quick to argue that the dwarfs are paid well and he always has a surplus of applicants. “My theme park is a step up for them, they are well looked after end their environment is built for their needs. The public might be motivated out of a morbid sense of curiosity, but why can’t the dwarfs make money from it? At the end of the day both parties go home happy.”



Dwarfs Taking Sport Seriously

Don’t let this tomfoolery deceive you, not all dwarf activities are organised for public amusement. This video shows a very proficient football team from Brazil.


Unique Dwarf Sporting Challenges

And who has the right to stop four dwarfs racing a camel?


Dwarfs push the boundaries, boundaries often placed there by others, by non-dwarfs. They challenge conservative values established by a society obsessed with political correctness. Dwarfs teach us determination, give us hope and inspire, because whilst being small has it’s difficulties, they’re not going to let it get them down further than it already has.

Dwarfs wherever you are, whether your racing camels, getting tossed or shagging a bride at her hen night, I salute you.