Prince Andrew Impersonates David Brent in Covert Audition for Britain’s Got Talent

Please excuse the roughness of this post. I’ve gone full Gonzo on this story as it’s moving so fast, but I seldom do.

Having initially written about this story nearly four years ago, I would feel hard done by, if I too didn’t get in on the action now that it’s coming to a climax.

Pressure had been mounting on Prince Andrew, and if we’re to believe what we hear, it’s not just been pressure that he’s been mounting, to explain away his relationship with, Jeffrey Epstein, disgraced financier, convicted paedophile, and lately the victim of a brutal suicide.

Whilst on a walk together in Central Park, after Epstein’s release from prison, Epstein comforts the prince by telling him that if he’s caught again he’ll kill himself in as suspicious a way as possible.

With the reputation of the monarchy being dragged through the mud, and on this occasion no Sir Walter Raleigh on hand to lend his cape, a historical reference for royal nerds, Prince Andrew was forced into making this decision. But, being from the world’s most wealthy, influential family it was safe to assume that his advisers would’ve guaranteed that there would be no incriminating disclosures. If that’s what the advisers guaranteed, it would appear that Andrew had other ideas.

The first Queen Elizabeth encounters a muddy obstacle but organises it to be covered up, with a cape.


The Interview

I’ve not cringed so much since the first time I watched The Office. In fact, there were times I expected Ricky Gervais to appear from out of shot and offer the Prince advice on how he could come across more uncomfortable and less sincere. It would appear Prince Andrew’s team of advisers thought it would be best if the prince conducted the interview whilst attempting his best David Brent impersonation. An impersonation so accurate that, if he eneterd a contest to impersonate David Brent, Ricky Gervais would come second.

My favourite Brentism was :

Maitlis: I’m just trying to work this out because you said you went to break up the relationship and yet you stayed at that New York mansion several days. I’m wondering how long?

Andrew: But I was doing a number of other things while I was there.

Maitlis: But you were staying at the house …

Andrew: Yes.

Maitlis: … of a convicted sex offender.

Andrew: It was a convenient place to stay. I mean I’ve gone through this in my mind so many times. At the end of the day, with a benefit of all the hindsight that one can have, it was definitely the wrong thing to do. But at the time I felt it was the honourable and right thing to do and I admit fully that my judgment was probably coloured by my tendency to be too honourable but that’s just the way it is.

too honourable
Im just.. just too honourable.

“…my tendency to be too honourable but that’s just the way it is.” now that is pure David Brent. The Prince, a la David Brent, mentioned all the work he did for charity, and in particular the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. As he mentioned his charity work it was clear that he was at odds with his own humility. But anyway, as Prince Andrew said, he’s just too damned honourable not to hang out with convicted sex offenders.

To put it into context, many historians are saying that it’s the biggest Royal blunder since King Richard suggested that he and his army should go for a picnic at Bosworth Field.

Until seeing this interview, I’d always assumed that only a centipede could shoot themselves in the foot that many times. Staying on the theme of multiple feet metaphors, there were times when I felt as if the prince only opened his mouth in order to change feet.

What do yo do when you can’t actually deny meeting someone? Try the next best thing and say, you can’t remember meeting them.

Maitlis: July of this year, Epstein was arrested on charges of sex trafficking and abusing dozens of underage girls. One of the Epstein’s accusers, Virginia Roberts, has made allegations against you. She says she met you in 2001, she says she dined with you, danced with you at Tramp nightclub in London. She went on to have sex with you in a house in Belgravia belonging to Ghislaine Maxwell, your friend. Your response?

Andrew: I have no recollection of ever meeting this lady, none whatsoever.

This is another Brent moment. There is clear evidence of him being caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or around the girls waist for now. Andrew can’t deny having met her, so to maintain some level of deniability he claims he can’t remember meeting her. Well what’s sauce for the goose is good for the gander. I’m going to claim that I never remembered receiving an electricity bill, and that I have no recollection of having not paid my taxes. It’s a cunning move Andy.

Maitliss states the scenario clearly and accurately to the Prince.

Maitlis: He threw a party to celebrate his release and you were invited as the guest of honour.

Andrew: No, I didn’t go. Oh, in 2010, there certainly wasn’t a party to celebrate his release in December because it was a small dinner party, there were only eight or 10 of us I think at the dinner. If there was a party then I’d know nothing about that.

Maitlis: You were invited to that dinner as a guest of honour.

Andrew: Well, I was there so there was a dinner, I don’t think it was quite as you might put it but yeah, OK I was there for … I was there at a dinner, yeah.

Andrew: But I was doing a number of other things while I was there.

Maitlis: But you were staying at the house …

Andrew: Yes.

Maitlis: … of a convicted sex offender.

The prince tries to make it sound like Maitliss is framing the situation in the pejorative, when the truth is she’s just stating where and when he was with Epstein, which alone could only be stated in the pejorative. Clearly it’s Mailiss’ fault, putting filth into viewers minds.


So, What’s Next? Where Do We Go from Here?

More questions are being asked than will ever get close to being answered. For me one of the greatest suspicions hangs over the close friendship between His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales and Sir Jimmy Savile, celebrity who posthumously was discovered to be one of the country’s most prolific paedophiles.

The conspiracy theorists will go crazy over this, and I’m not saying that they don’t raise interesting questions. I was told by one such person that Hillary Clinton just happened to be visiting the Duchess of Sussex, Megan Markle just before the interview was to be broadcasted. If it’s only a coincidence I feel sorry for the Clinton’s and Windsor’s because it makes them look about as guilty as a puppy sitting next to  a pile of poo.

As for the future, this story has already had immense consequences, if the monarchy can’t succeed in slowing the unraveling, and if Brexit splits the union, then I can see Queen Elizabeth II being our final monarch as head of state.

The best case scenario is that this interview is a damning indictment of how out of touch the British Royal family are with their subjects.


Nothing to see here, please disperse. Show’s over.